Some more ACTUAL INTERNET POSTINGS that we decided not to read:

      “Springfield woman’s lawsuit alleges discrimination against her monkey”
      “Ten Disturbing Spa Treatments”
      “The 30 Creepiest Trees on Earth”
      “New Way To Weigh Giant Black Holes”
      “Cat curfew dropped in Nillumbik”
      “Octopus sex man avoids jail”
      “Scary Snakes and How to Deal With Them”
      “How to fake your own death and get away with it”
      “Anarchists' gathering surprisingly organized”
       “Killed peeing on live train track”
      “Marijuana Can Cause 'Man Boobs' (and Other Things)”
      “Jammin Johns: Toilet Seat Guitar and Keyboard”
      “NSFW: One Drop and be a Virgin again”
       “Actors That Have Died Before Their Movie Was Released”
      “Strange Mating Rituals of the Male Jumping Spider”
      “Ancient Sex Curse Discovered in Cyprus”
      “Bomb Turns Out to Be String Cheese Incident”
      “How To Get Abducted By Aliens”
      “20 Amazing Works of Art Made From... Garbage!”
      “The 10 Most Undeserving Celebrities Who Got Action Figures”
      “10 Dead People Who Weren’t Really Dead”
      “10 Ridiculous Undergarments Worn by Women in Video Games”
            and
      “Bacon Floss”